Self-Reflection & Triggers

"Through self-reflection we can come to understand what moves us into blame and defense with our partner. To know what may trigger our past or how we have been shaped psychologically can stop us reacting in a way we wouldn't normally want to choose."

Melissa Ferrari - Psychotherapist

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

Working through the first Stage of a Relationship.

Falling in love is just the first stage of love and expecting to stay in this stage forever is not realistic. With maturity a relationship shifts from infatuation and that feeling of can’t sleep at night dizzy love to a settled sense of relationship security that offers a longer lasting sense of love.

Commonly people make the mistake of believing that when that dizzy feeling fades that love has faded with it and that the couple is no longer ‘in love’. Many people chase that first stage of love by starting a new relationship with someone else – a circular process that has no ending.

Acknowledging and understanding that this stage does fade can be a huge step in feeling “happy” in your relationship again.

The secret to long-term happiness is to work through this early stage of the relationship. You and your partner can move on to a relationship that offers more solidity and strong security by putting in some extra work.

Don’t just chase the kind of love we see in movies. Don’t move on to another partner to experience that “high”. It’s not sustainable.

Instead, stay and work through your own style of love and create your own “romantic chapter” under your own roof because despite the changing nature of our relationships, of course romance remains an important part of a relationship that deserves our attention.

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

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Relationship Tip

Keep exchanges with the one you love postive. Simple gestures like hand holding, gazing into each other's eyes or a gentle touch or stroke can enhance your relationship greatly. Make sure you always respond positively too if you are on the receiving end!! 

* Positive and responsive couple exchanges have been identified as an adaptive strategy of emotion regulation, fostering the experience positive feelings. (Fincham, Stanley, & Beach 2007).

by Melissa Ferrari  

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

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Some reflections on couples

This week I attended a fabulous training by Stan Tatkin who wrote the famous book Wired For Love. It was seven days in total of action packed demonstrations on working with couples. The Training is called Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT).  After the training I thought about what were some of the most valuable words of "gold" that I could share here on my blog. So here goes:

1. Couples can heal past hurts and injustices together. It is not useful to say to a partner things like "Well that was your ex that did that not me so deal with it". Couples who truly want to be together can use empathy and understanding to help deal with past issues that sometimes impinge on the current relationship.

2. Couples who are together chose each other and in that choosing you are commiting to some "WORK" to make it work. 

3. In a relationship sometimes the hurt or angry "child" in us can emerge and that sometimes together it takes some time to notice, be patient and observe each other to understand what may be happening. It means asking the question - "I wonder why my partner is angry/withdrawn/upset, maybe I can help by just being present/or with them?"

I hope this prompts some thoughts and reflections.

Melissa Ferrari - Psychotherapist

 

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

I am now officially trained in Stan Tatkin's work called Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) Level 1.  

I am now officially trained in Stan Tatkin's work called Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy (PACT) Level 1.