How To Survive the First Six months of Your Relationship

How To Survive the First Six months of Your Relationship

For clients I see who are navigating the first six months of a relationship I always encourage them to consider and be aware of the these six things to keep them on track and in contact with the realities of the situation and, importantly, to ensure they are attending to their individual needs and not getting locked into attending only to the needs of the ‘other’. 

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How to deal with a break-up?

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Listen here as I have chat with Emily Evans and her co-host Laura Gardiner from Radio ECU in Perth. They are both students from Edith Cowan University studying their Postgraduate Diploma in Broadcasting. They interviewed me about how to think about and manage yourself after a break-up. 

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Key To Love 

Some hints on your role as a loving partner!

Some hints on your role as a loving partner!

The desire to have our unmet needs accomodated and valued by another can be a painful process for many. We bring with us all our own histories, blue prints, parenting, biology and to find a match that will see what needs attention or healing can be difficult. We all see the world through our own psychological lens. It's just the way it is and with mindfullness and attention it can be changed. 

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Being curious sends your partner all the right messages!

Do you remember those early weeks and months as your relationship started to take shape when you genuinely wanted to know your partners desires, their likes and dislikes and their take on life? It’s that wonderful phase where you are enamored with each other and nothing gets in the way as you stare into each other’s eyes, ask questions and just listen to each other in a blissful, effortless experience of being with your partner. 

This phase of the relationship is such an important one because this level of inquiry sends a clear message to your partner that you are deeply interested in them and it fosters your connection, building solid bonds which create the foundations for a healthy relationship. It’s like putting the work into building a great relationship without even trying. 

As a couple moves into a committed relationship and things feel more secure we can sometimes assume that our partners have learnt all they need to know. We can assume that, after a while, they “know” us. We may even assume that they “know” our likes and dislikes because you have been together for a while. 

The risk is that assumptions like these can cause stagnation in a relationship and put the fires of being interested and passionate about each other out. Sometimes the comfort of just “knowing” each other is not enough to stay engaged and connected. 

The simple task of checking things out with your partner or asking them if their thoughts, desires or views on life have changed can help keep your relationship alive. 

It is as simple as asking your partner questions like “Is the way we spent our last holiday, the same way you want to spend our next holiday?” or “You once said you don’t like flowers but prefer chocolates, is this still the same for you?”

How and what you ask about is important – its about genuine interest coming from a place of empathy and love. 

These questions can really make a big difference to a relationship because they validate our partners and they send a clear message that we want to connect, we see our partner as an individual and we care about their thoughts and feelings.

So ask questions to promote a good sense of the relationship being healthy and show your level of connection.

By Melissa Ferrari 

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

 

Working through the first Stage of a Relationship.

Falling in love is just the first stage of love and expecting to stay in this stage forever is not realistic. With maturity a relationship shifts from infatuation and that feeling of can’t sleep at night dizzy love to a settled sense of relationship security that offers a longer lasting sense of love.

Commonly people make the mistake of believing that when that dizzy feeling fades that love has faded with it and that the couple is no longer ‘in love’. Many people chase that first stage of love by starting a new relationship with someone else – a circular process that has no ending.

Acknowledging and understanding that this stage does fade can be a huge step in feeling “happy” in your relationship again.

The secret to long-term happiness is to work through this early stage of the relationship. You and your partner can move on to a relationship that offers more solidity and strong security by putting in some extra work.

Don’t just chase the kind of love we see in movies. Don’t move on to another partner to experience that “high”. It’s not sustainable.

Instead, stay and work through your own style of love and create your own “romantic chapter” under your own roof because despite the changing nature of our relationships, of course romance remains an important part of a relationship that deserves our attention.

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

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Relationship Tip

Keep exchanges with the one you love postive. Simple gestures like hand holding, gazing into each other's eyes or a gentle touch or stroke can enhance your relationship greatly. Make sure you always respond positively too if you are on the receiving end!! 

* Positive and responsive couple exchanges have been identified as an adaptive strategy of emotion regulation, fostering the experience positive feelings. (Fincham, Stanley, & Beach 2007).

by Melissa Ferrari  

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

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Accepting Responsibility in Marriage

Tips to Repairing Relationships  

Accept some responsibility: 

When it comes to conflicts in relationships fault rarely lies with one partner. Usually the conflict results from backward and forward exchanges that can feel repetitive. Not accepting responsibility as a participant is often what we call a “defense” that blocks the openness and shared responsibility happy and fulfilling relationship require. 

Defenses are often unconscious (or beyond our awareness) techniques we have developed to protect ourselves. Each and every one of us has different defenses and it is a natural part of being human. Unfortunately some of these don’t help us move forward particularly in problem solving and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship. 

Working on being able to acknowledge where we may have got it wrong and where we could have done things better goes a long way to promoting happiness in a relationship. It requires some self-awareness but that is achievable, particularly if you work together.

Melissa Ferrari - Psychotherapist

For more tips and information about love, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Love, Life, Relationships & Transformation

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