Here are some great guidelines to follow to help understand what a secure relationship looks and feels like. Written by Stan Tatkin and updated August 2014.
1. We protect the safety and security of our relationship at all costs.
2. We base our relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for ourselves AND for our partner.
3. We do not threaten the existence of our relationship, for so doing would hurt us both.
4. We appoint each other as go-to persons for all matters, making certain we are both the first to know―not second, third, or fourth―in all matters of importance.
5. We provide a tether to each other all the days and nights of our lives, and never fail to greet each other with good cheer.
6. We protect each other in public and in private from harmful elements, including ourselves.
7. We put each other to bed each night and awaken together each morning.
8. We correct all errors, including injustices and injuries, at once or as soon as possible, and not make dispute of who was the original perpetrator.
9. We gaze lovingly upon thy partner daily and make frequent and meaningful gestures of appreciation, admiration, and gratitude.
10. We learn each other well and master the ways of seduction, influence, and persuasion, without the use of fear or threat.
To learn more about Stan Tatkin and the Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy go to http://stantatkin.com/