Do you remember those early weeks and months as your relationship started to take shape when you genuinely wanted to know your partners desires, their likes and dislikes and their take on life? It’s that wonderful phase where you are enamored with each other and nothing gets in the way as you stare into each other’s eyes, ask questions and just listen to each other in a blissful, effortless experience of being with your partner.
This phase of the relationship is such an important one because this level of inquiry sends a clear message to your partner that you are deeply interested in them and it fosters your connection, building solid bonds which create the foundations for a healthy relationship. It’s like putting the work into building a great relationship without even trying.
As a couple moves into a committed relationship and things feel more secure we can sometimes assume that our partners have learnt all they need to know. We can assume that, after a while, they “know” us. We may even assume that they “know” our likes and dislikes because you have been together for a while.
The risk is that assumptions like these can cause stagnation in a relationship and put the fires of being interested and passionate about each other out. Sometimes the comfort of just “knowing” each other is not enough to stay engaged and connected.
The simple task of checking things out with your partner or asking them if their thoughts, desires or views on life have changed can help keep your relationship alive.
It is as simple as asking your partner questions like “Is the way we spent our last holiday, the same way you want to spend our next holiday?” or “You once said you don’t like flowers but prefer chocolates, is this still the same for you?”
How and what you ask about is important – its about genuine interest coming from a place of empathy and love.
These questions can really make a big difference to a relationship because they validate our partners and they send a clear message that we want to connect, we see our partner as an individual and we care about their thoughts and feelings.
So ask questions to promote a good sense of the relationship being healthy and show your level of connection.
By Melissa Ferrari
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