Know when you don’t feel good about yourself and avoid taking it out on our partner: Depending on where we are in our relationship sometimes how we feel about ourselves (our self esteem) can cause us to lash out at or blame our partners for something. When we don’t feel OK it can lead to us snapping, becoming withdrawn or judgmental.At these times it is important to reflect and think about whether it might be ourselves (rather than our partners) that we are having angry, frustrated or critical feelings about. These feeling can be hard to deal with and even harder to know what to do with them when they strike.
Getting to know yourself and what triggers your responses can help you to understand yourself in relation to your partner and avoid conflict.
Reflecting involves asking yourself why you react in certain ways, particularly if there is a common or repeated trigger. Something may happen at work or when you see a certain friend that leaves you with feelings that are hard to manage. Your partner, the one who is closest to you, may feel safer to lash out at without you fully understanding why.
It is important to reflect on this and maybe even share with your partner, a friend or a therapist, when you are trying to understand what’s happening for you. These situations happen and you may feel disrupted, but talking it through can help.
It is important to work towards self-understanding because not understanding the source of the problem can damage a good relationship over time. Knowing yourself builds stronger relationships and it can also improve a couple’s understanding of each other resulting in a foundation of trust and security.
*The effort you put in and the way you go about repairing your relationship when things go wrong (whether big or small) is a critical factor to relationship success.
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